John Baird Hospitalized for Brass Testicles
OTTAWA — Seconds after giving a rousing speech earlier today shouting that Canada won’t back down from military conflict with “that f***ing little shit Putin”, Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird complained to his bodyguards that he had extreme pain in his groinal area.
Reporters and business leaders attending the Conservative Party fundraiser watched in horror as Baird went to his knees clutching his crotch according to an oil company executive who ran up onto the stage and tried to administer the Heimlich maneuver.
“The Honourable John Baird was admitted on an emergency basis earlier today for testicular bloating,” Dr. Mary Quinel, E.R. Department Head at Queensway-Carleton Hospital, told gathered media.
“Minister Baird is sedated but awake and has undergone intensive drainage of his testes.”
“His condition is stable.”
http://thelapine.ca/john-baird-hospitalized-for-brass-testicles/
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