I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my
leg."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume
she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change
dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would
like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.
So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by
one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?
Apparently the correct answer was Africa !!!
One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly
found in cells. It appears that Indians is not the correct answer either.
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've
been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to
the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is
disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick
bastard.
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and
her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a
mustache."
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help
towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would love to, but our garden
hose only reaches the driveway.
Thanks Ralph
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