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Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Totally UNACCEPTABLE HUMOR

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the

biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my

leg."



I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume

she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.



My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my

girlfriend yet.



Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine

until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change

dentists?



A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking

behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.



I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get

reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would

like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".



The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.



At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by

one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair?

Apparently the correct answer was Africa !!!



One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly

found in cells. It appears that Indians is not the correct answer either.



There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've

been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.





Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to

the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is

disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick

bastard.



A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and

her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a

mustache."



The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help

towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would love to, but our garden

hose only reaches the driveway.

Thanks Ralph

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