Paraprosdokians

 

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

 

 

 1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

 

 2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

 

 3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

 4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

 

 5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 

6. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy

 7.  I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

8.   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a mechanic.

 

 9. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 

 10. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

 And, two other reported quotes that I like are: 

It has been said that once Sir Winston, upon returning from the latrine/toilet/bathroom, he was stopped by a Lady and told that his Fly was open.  His response was, "Don't worry Madame, a dead bird never falls far from the nest."

 The other is when he was at a function and a Lady condescendingly told that he was drunk and, his response was, "Yes, Madame and, you are Ugly but, in the morning I will be sober."

 He did have a 'turn of phrase

Thanks Randy